44 Gifts You Probably Don't Want

Hilarious, Weird and Plain Useless Presents

— December 7, 2008 — Unique
Have you been practicing your “this-is-the-worst-present-ever-but-I-love-you-so-I’ll-pretend-to-like-it” smile? You know you’ll have to break it out soon, just a few more weeks to go until Christmas!

What if, for example, someone gives you a beer phone? Umm, does anyone use a landline anymore? And if they do, are they the demographic that would want a Budweiser handset? And what about the luxury gold-plated staples? The fake Yellow Pages booster seat is another one I just don’t get (save your money, be eco, and use a real phone book!) And don’t even get me started on the Croc cell phone case (check out this article.) I’m really not sure why someone would think these items would bring joy in the first place, but hey, I guess if these items exist, someone must want them, right?

To get help you perfect your polite, fake excited smile, we’ve put together a ‘worst case scenario’ cluster of the silliest, strangest, most peculiar, and plain useless gifts we hope we never end up with.
6.6
Score
Popularity
Activity
Freshness
41
USB For Distanced Loved Ones
USB For Distanced Loved Ones
MooMoo
<
40
American Idol Obsession
American Idol Obsession
Weird eBay Memorabilia
<
39
Gogglemuffbuds
Gogglemuffbuds
Von Zipper Snow Muffs
<
38
Talking Toilet Paper
Talking Toilet Paper
Program Your Own Message
<
37
Pork-Flavored Dental Hygiene
Pork-Flavored Dental Hygiene
The Bacon Floss
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36
Spray on Crude Oil
Spray on Crude Oil
Cory Ingram's Crude Cologne
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35
Silly Office Game
Silly Office Game
Basket Case
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34
Gifts That Have No Real Use
Gifts That Have No Real Use
My Last Rolo
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33
Stupid USB Devices
Stupid USB Devices
USB Dance Mat Makes Finger Dancing Easy
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32
Yellow Pages Booster Seat
Yellow Pages Booster Seat
Uplifting Concept For Tots
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31
Say "I Love You" By Swallowing Gold
Say "I Love You" By Swallowing Gold
<
30
Snot Pockets
Snot Pockets
The Nose Pouch
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29
Celebrity Nutcrackers
Celebrity Nutcrackers
Hillary, Our Next President
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28
Ham, Latkes, Christmas Tree Flavored Pop
Ham, Latkes, Christmas Tree Flavored Pop
Jones Soda Gets Stranger With Each Season
<
27
Useless Gadgets
Useless Gadgets
USB Powered Weiner Dog Humps Your Computer
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26
Beer Phones
Beer Phones
Budweiser Can and Bottle Phones
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25
Weird Wrist Relaxers
Weird Wrist Relaxers
The Arm Carpal Massager
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24
Pillow Books and Pillow Hats
Pillow Books and Pillow Hats
The Pillow Collection
<
23
Luxury Stationery
Luxury Stationery
Gold-Plated Staples
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22
Hamburger Phones in Demand
Hamburger Phones in Demand
Sales Up 759% Thanks To Juno Film
<
21
MacBook Air Sleeve
MacBook Air Sleeve
Fleece-Lined Envelope
<
20
Digital Bubble Wrap
Digital Bubble Wrap
PutiPuti
<
19
Endangered Feces
Endangered Feces
Buy Poo To Save Rhinos
<
18
Bedside Emergency Lighting
Bedside Emergency Lighting
From Desk Lamp to Flashlight
<
17
Playing With Food for Stress Relief
Playing With Food for Stress Relief
Edamame Keychain
<
16
Not So Charming Charms
Not So Charming Charms
Gold Poo For Luck (in Japan)
<
15
Historical Lollipops
Historical Lollipops
Head Pops
<
14
Silly BBQ Decorations
Silly BBQ Decorations
Drunk Chicken Heads
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13
Chopstick Glasses
Chopstick Glasses
Hip Stix
<
12
Offensive Stuffed Animals
Offensive Stuffed Animals
SpiderCamp
<
11
Toy Shaped Knapsacks
Toy Shaped Knapsacks
The LEGO Brick Backpack
<
10
Gross Bathroom Decorating With Fallen Hair Tile Designs
Gross Bathroom Decorating With Fallen Hair Tile Designs
<
9
Heated Snake Rugs
Heated Snake Rugs
The Eva
<
8
Fake Taxidermy Part IV
Fake Taxidermy Part IV
Blow-Up Moose Trophy
<
7
Self-Defense Lessons via Illustration
Self-Defense Lessons via Illustration
Silly Reference Cards for Dark Alleys
<
6
Clothes With Built In Speakers
Clothes With Built In Speakers
Personal Soundtrack T-Shirt
<
5
Educational Toilet Paper
Educational Toilet Paper
Get Smart During Relief
<
4
Croc Cell Phone Case
Croc Cell Phone Case
Crocs O-dial Phone Case
<
3
Armpit Hair Shirt
Armpit Hair Shirt
Natürlich Nerz T-Shirt
<
2
Fake Food Wallets
Fake Food Wallets
Toast and Bacon Wallets
<
1
Fake Hairy Toes
Fake Hairy Toes
The Nike Human Shoes
<