If you need to exterminate your thirst, then why not do it in homicidal style with some 50 caliber bottle openers?
This bottle opener from ThinkGeek is made from a real life Browning Machine Gun bullet. Just looking at the size of the bullet and thinking about the damage it could do to a human being, it's easy to see what sort of damage it will do to a helpless bottle cap. ThinkGeek also recommends adding googly eyes to the opener in order to make it less terrifying, which I think is sound advice. The bullet is also machine polished to ensure a long life of shooting out sobriety.
50 caliber bottle openers are the perfect way to declare war on thirst at your next party.