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Superfluous Superheroes

'Superuseless Superpowers' Documents the Abilities of Anti-Heroes

— January 20, 2009 — Lifestyle
What's the point of being a superhero if your superhuman ability is useless? That's the premise behind Superuseless Superheroes, a blog that documents the abilities of these anti-heroes.

Take the caped crusader in the first image of the gallery, for example. He can soar like a bird, but only while inside a plane that's in the air. Or the second gentleman, who is bulletproof--on the 13th bullet. Are these Superuseless Superheroes truly the guardians of the free world?

Here are the remainder of the superhuman strengths in the gallery:

3. Complementary Chameleon - He can change colors to complement his surroundings, but don't ask him to match them.

4. Lukewarm Touch - Everything this misled Midas touches turns lukewarm.

5. Helium Resistance - After a terrible blimp accident, this superhero is impervious to voice changes that result from helium--no matter how much he has inhaled.

6. Left-Side Levitation - He can levitate his limbs--but only the left ones.

7. Ultra Short-Range Teleportation - Teleport from place to place--up to a distance of one inch.

8. Turning Into a Brick Wall, Forever - Not only can this superhero stop the oncoming train from hitting the baby tied to the track, but he can also stop every oncoming train from passing, ever.

9. Achieving 99% Opacity - This superhero is almost completely visible and thereby is somewhat invisible.

10. Psychic Amnesia - He can foresee the future, but completely forgets what he's just foreseen.