Coffee Branding Parodies Edit
"What if Starbucks Marketed Like a Church?"

This five-minute video of “What if Starbucks marketed like a church?  A Parable,” was boringly funny. 

Instead of planting seeds of the holy word, beans are planted.  A tithe tray is replaced with a tip cup. My favorite parts are the interviews with the java-elders and java-pastors. 

The creators of this Starbucks church marketing video captured everything from nervousness prior to entering the building, greeters who do not greet, locked doors, uncomfortable “I acknowledge you, but won’t say ‘hello’” stares and half-smiles, and being asked to raise your hand if you’re new. In church, you may run into some with ‘holier-than-thou’ attitudes, but at Starbucks, they’re coffee-ier-than-thou. 

If Starbucks really marketed themselves like a church, however, they’d make a gazillion in coffee tithes, build a Starbucks college, have three or four big flat-screen HDTV’s to constantly air their message, and gain millions of coffee followers (like Javaists, Coffeecostals and Latteatholics) who don’t dare question the goodness of Starbucks coffee lest they face an eternity in tea bag hell.