Branded First Finger Foods

General Mills has launched a new product for tots in its Cheerios line. It is in a new convenient package and according to Cheerios.com, “it's pour-able, shake-able, refillable and is designed to fit in your purse, stroller or diaper bag.”

Can you just imagine someone like Andy Rooney writing this story? The late 1950s saw one of the greatest time savers and inventions of all time, Cheerios. The original product was great and General Mills has made it even better in recent years. Today, we have many different varieties to choose from: Honey Nut, Apple Cinnamon, Multigrain, Frosted, Team, Purely O's, Millennios, Berry Burst, Yogurt Burst, Fruity, Oat Cluster Crunch Cheerios, and now Cheerios for Tots.

The cereal has become so popular that physicists have coined the phrase “cheerio effect” when discussing fluid mechanics, meaning the tendency for small obliging floating objects to attract one another like opposite poles on magnets. This has also been called "cheerio magnetization.” An example of the phenomenon is the way the breakfast cereal tends to form clumps as it clings to the sides of a bowl when immersed in milk. How clever, right? Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

While the marketing department at General Mills touts the cereal's nutritional value and wide selection, we grandparents have come up with an ingenious adjunct, “Cheerios Ahoy!,” whereby you remove a few Cheerios from the box and use them as target practice for potty training. Now, one could argue that Fruit Loops work just as well; as does the sound effect of yellow water hitting the bottom of an empty coffee can, but that only solves half the problem. In order to solve both ways (P and BM, if you will) you simply cannot find a better target than Cheerios. In order to achieve this phenomenon, you set the breakfast table three feet from the bathroom and offer the little one(s) rewards based on accuracy and the total number of sunken cheerios. Rewards are limited only to the ingenuity of the Captain. This grandparent expert and analyst, yours truly, estimates that it will take less than one week for Cheerios Ahoy! to serve its useful purpose. Then, you can finally visit your grandchildren and do what grand's do best -read a bedtime story and sleep in a warm dry bed. I recommend reading “Cap'n Billy 'The Butcher' MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting” by Tim Bete.