Fake Candidates Edit
'Paris Hilton for President' Platform in Harper’s Bazaar

Paris Hilton’s fake campaign for the White House continues unabated with fake presidential candidate Hilton granting Harper’s Bazaar Magazine an interview for its upcoming issue.

Paris raised some really serious fake issues in the interview with the magazine. For example:

HB:How would you describe your presidential style?

Paris Hilton: I pledge to support the American workforce by wearing only American designers: Calvin Klein between Memorial Day and Labor Day, Donna Karan the rest of the year. Unless I wake up and the day is screaming for me to put on a bikini for my fellow Americans. Country first.

HB: Who will be your vice president?

PH: Rihanna, of course. She’s hot.

HB:How do you intend to redecorate the White House?

PH: In these trying economic times, I believe the White House should have a minimalist touch: open floor plan, glass and steel, throw pillows, and an infinity pool.

HB: What are your entertaining plans?

PH: The inaugural balls will be replaced with an inaugural Rock Band party. For expert-level players only. Don’t even think about getting on drums. I play drums.

HB: Please summarize your presidential platform.

PH: I will carry out a foreign-policy platform that will transform America’s role in the world to that of a proactive, not reactive, superpower that will use diplomacy and incentives to head off trouble in unstable regions before they unravel out of control. I will also be wearing platform shoes when I meet with foreign dignitaries to accentuate my well-toned calves.

HB: Who will you appoint to your cabinet posts?

PH: I won’t have a cabinet; I will have a closet. A giant walk-in closet with all styles of advisers, like Michael Kors, Kanye West, Diane von Furstenberg, Naughty by Nature, Stephen Hawking, Madonna, Karl Lagerfeld, and, of course, Tinkerbell.

Who could possibly not want to vote for Paris when she promises to wear platform shoes when she meets with foreign dignitaries? That certainly moved me, and I’ll be sure to vote pink in November.