In an explosive announcement, the U.S. EPA has decided to allow rocket fuel in the drinking water of all Americans. The U.S. economy has been sputtering and the Bush Administration concluded this is just the boost needed to put the economy in orbit.

Perchlorate is already in 395 sites in 35 states at levels high enough to effect health. Adding rocket fuel to other sites is under advisement. This is not to be confused with Johnny Rockets Hamburgers, a U.S. gourmet delight.