Communities that Blog to God - Dear God

It’s been years since I last talked to you, probably since I was a child, and I kind of feel like an hypocrite for doing it again until now.

My ex boyfriend just died. He, unlike me, was very close to you. That’s why I find his death so hard to understand. He was 24 and a faithful christian, and religion was the reason we ultimately broke up.

He never questioned your existence and I envy him for that, because I know that at the time of his death he felt comfort for knowing he was going to a better place.

I pray for that to be true. I pray for him to be in a better place, a place where he can be reunited someday with his family he left behind. I don’t know if I will see him there, because if there is a heaven, I don’t know if I will be admitted. I pray to you, his God to give him peace, to give his family the strength to go through this, and maybe help me have a little faith in something, so when my time to go comes I can feel comfort too.

Who am I? What was I put on this earth to achieve? I ask these questions only because I’ve been trying to find an identity. For years I think I’ve been living life like a kind of machine. I work for a big corporation and I’m not close to my family. I have a wife but no children and, I’m ashamed to say, I don’t want them but don’t have the guts to tell her. Why am I living this life like a sleepwalker – a job I don’t like, a wife I don’t really love? I never talk about my true feelings like this with anyone. But this feels good. I’m glad I’ve done it.