Toronto Raptor Swallows Woman at Basketball Halftime

During halftime at a basketball game between the New Jersey Nets and the Toronto Raptors, the Raptors’ mascot ate a cheerleader, shoes and all. There was wild speculation about what happened to the swallowed maiden later: Was the cheerleader regurgitated and subjected to a horrific fate, or was it all just a publicity stunt?

Discussions about the nutritional value of cheerleaders ensued. Apparently, Canadian cheerleaders are considered a hearty raptor meal, but those in California contain too many implanted parts and injected additives, so might actually equate to a raptor starvation-diet.